I have fought for the rights of others and fought to educate others and now I do not care. I wonder if the effort was even worth it. Do those people whose rights or education I fought for even remember me or my efforts on their part? I am not saying that I want payback or a special recognition. I just wonder if it was worth all the effort that I made.
I sometimes think a stranger on the street appreciates my smile or hello more than the people that I actually know. Is this part of the aging process? Do we question our “good works” or good efforts on other people’s behalf? Or am I just having a “pity party” today?
I just know that today I am tired of trying. I am going to flow with the times and try not to react when things go wrong or even right. I am going to remove myself the best way I can from personal feelings and reactions.
Is this what happens when we reach that certain age? You know the age – when we are more alone than together, more isolated than involved, more unconcerned than interested. I wonder if I feel this way just today or will this feeling continue? A lot of questions, here.
One thing I do know is that I am going to protect myself from those intense feelings of rejection and the hurt from indifference. Yes, I am tired. My emotions are a wreck. I do not want to have the life I had previously. I am going to float along and create a different life that does not depend on what others think or say. I think I have grown up, finally. It is about time!