I have had something happen in the last few days that I have not experienced in a very long time. I am having difficulty with the arrival of Christmas. It has been a very long time, as I said, since I could not “get into the mood” for this holiday.
Over the years, I was sad about some happenings in my life and that affected my festivities. But I do not have anything like this going on now– I am just extremely bored. I have gotten old and do not relish in the things most people my age enjoy. I really do not have a family – only a brother and his child and family. But I am not a part of that family. If it were not for Facebook, I would not even know about them.
This is the first time it has bothered me in a long while that I am alone at Christmas, because I usually “farm myself out” for the holidays and participate in others’ celebrations. I also usually go through the motions of fixing a dinner. I am not doing either this year.
So, I am watching all those Christmas TV movies that I once loved, in hopes that they will trigger some great memories. As I told you in an earlier post, I have decorated a small tree and put some “Christmas” around my apartment.
The only creature I really have in my life now is a little Yorkie named Riley who does show me that he cares all the time. If I did not have him, I guess I would be totally alone.
Now please, do not think I have been abandoned by those friends of old. I just am tired of farming myself out to watch others. My only hope is there will be something that pulls me out of this mood. I cannot imagine what it will take. I really think it is old age catching up with me, because I remember how lost others have been when they got older and “lost” so much.
I guess my purpose for this post is just to unload a bit and let others know that sometimes Christmas is not a joyous time. And that it is OK.
Over the years, I was sad about some happenings in my life and that affected my festivities. But I do not have anything like this going on now– I am just extremely bored. I have gotten old and do not relish in the things most people my age enjoy. I really do not have a family – only a brother and his child and family. But I am not a part of that family. If it were not for Facebook, I would not even know about them.
This is the first time it has bothered me in a long while that I am alone at Christmas, because I usually “farm myself out” for the holidays and participate in others’ celebrations. I also usually go through the motions of fixing a dinner. I am not doing either this year.
So, I am watching all those Christmas TV movies that I once loved, in hopes that they will trigger some great memories. As I told you in an earlier post, I have decorated a small tree and put some “Christmas” around my apartment.
The only creature I really have in my life now is a little Yorkie named Riley who does show me that he cares all the time. If I did not have him, I guess I would be totally alone.
Now please, do not think I have been abandoned by those friends of old. I just am tired of farming myself out to watch others. My only hope is there will be something that pulls me out of this mood. I cannot imagine what it will take. I really think it is old age catching up with me, because I remember how lost others have been when they got older and “lost” so much.
I guess my purpose for this post is just to unload a bit and let others know that sometimes Christmas is not a joyous time. And that it is OK.
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