Lately, I have noticed that I am not flexible when things do not go as planned. I am totally rigid and get very upset when there is a snag in my life. It might just be that I cannot find my keys or something more major like people not responding to my queries on something. I get really uptight.
When I was younger I was an organized person “with flexibility.” I planned and executed my plans but did not react emotionally when the plans had to be changed. I was flexible. Now, I am so different.
Now, I panic. If I have misplaced my keys, I still assure myself that they are in the house, since I let myself into it with them. BUT I still panic. I frantically search and re-search for them. Or when I call someone or email someone and I do not hear back immediately, I overreact. I fuss and fidget until I hear from them. I am killing myself with stress.
Why is this happening? My take on this is that as I have aged I have steadily lost more and more control over my life. Therefore, I have tried to control it more. Catch 22, anyone?
I wish I could relax a bit more and live the rest of my life the way I lived my earlier years. I really do not need the additional stress of “over-controlling” my life. But as I have aged, my finances have lowered, my health has changed quite a bit, and my physical movements have become more labored. I also try to control what will be going on after I die – making plans on that, too.
Yes, I am a mess, but I am trying to get “control” of this, too. I am taking more deep breaths, “talking to myself” to calm down when I panic, and trying to enjoy my life with less control. It is hard. Once a control freak - always a control freak. However, I really want a stress-free older life. I want all to live my life with phrases like “live and let live,” “roll with the punches,” and “not my worry.” Oh, the freedom that will come with that!