My present condition is so depressing that I have a hard time dealing with it. You see, I have moved back to my home town of Memphis, TN and it has changed so much. I have driven all over this city and the suburbs revisiting all those places that hold memories for me. I have visited all the homes I was raised in and the ones that I owned before I left here. I have passed by many places that hold memories of good times and bad. I went to see all the old schools and the university that I attended. That is the problem.
Friendships of old are gone; even people I once knew are gone. And there does not seem to be anyone with whom I can connect now. It is not because they have changed; it is because I have. I did not go to my 50th class reunion this year because I am NOT the young girl of 50 years ago. And I knew that I would not be able to “talk” about those experiences and care about them. Of course, I am older like everyone else who would have been there, but my life has taken me places and given me experiences that my old Memphis acquaintances would never dream of. I have met with some of my old friends and I can tell when we talk that they do not recognize me and they do not like me much.
So here I sit in a senior “ghetto” apartment waiting for my ship to come in. This one is coming; it is just taking a few months to get here. I will have to live in a senior facility again, but it will be new and not contain all those memories of days gone past, when I was a different person.
I am an optimist but trying to be positive in a negative environment is next to impossible. So I will be “killing time” until I can relocate. And I promise to try to write on my blog more often. I will also try to find positive ideas to express.