One of the recent discoveries in my life is that I am not really valued, even now. My number of friends has depleted mainly because I want something in return for my friendship – true friendship, understanding, and courtesy. I have a few very good friends who give me the above. I treasure them, although they are few. My biggest problem, though, is me.
I reach out to everyone and offer my friendship to those I meet. But my ability to see the unsatisfactory ones is nil. I usually get hurt, sad to say. And you would think I would learn from this. But I still do it. I must be related to Pollyanna.
My relationship with men, not the friends, but the ones who want me as a special friend, is dismal. My friends and I laugh about my ability to attract “unsuitable” partners. I am glad I am able to laugh now; there was a time of tears. One of my newer friends said just the other day that she was going to have to change her opinion about me and my men. She had once said that I just had not found a decent one; there was one out there for me. But now she says I am right – I only attract the ones who want to use me in some way or another. The good ones evidently are already taken or at, my age, dead.
Example – since moving to Pensacola I have met several men - they do seem to like me. One is my neighbor; he and I are friends and he is a good one. I have met a couple who are married to friends and they are wonderful. But the ones in my life, both recent and long ago, leave much to be desired. Without a fault, they are and have been the same – out for what they want and need, and what they can get – to hell with the woman.
I thought I had met one, since moving here. He sought me out, wined and dined me, but then I became a last-minute lunch invitation because he was going to be in my neighborhood on an appointment; he knew he was going to be there way before he called me. In fact, it got so he called an hour or so before wanting to see me. Bong!!! It finally hit me that he really did like me enough to think about me until he was in my neighborhood, and he just did not want to eat alone. UGH!!!!
So even though I do not want to travel the rest of my life alone, it looks like I probably will be doing just that. I guess when I can get the funds together, I will go to new places and see new things and revel in that. Hopefully, I will adjust even better to the fact that I am alone, since it is very apparent that I am and always will be.
I reach out to everyone and offer my friendship to those I meet. But my ability to see the unsatisfactory ones is nil. I usually get hurt, sad to say. And you would think I would learn from this. But I still do it. I must be related to Pollyanna.
My relationship with men, not the friends, but the ones who want me as a special friend, is dismal. My friends and I laugh about my ability to attract “unsuitable” partners. I am glad I am able to laugh now; there was a time of tears. One of my newer friends said just the other day that she was going to have to change her opinion about me and my men. She had once said that I just had not found a decent one; there was one out there for me. But now she says I am right – I only attract the ones who want to use me in some way or another. The good ones evidently are already taken or at, my age, dead.
Example – since moving to Pensacola I have met several men - they do seem to like me. One is my neighbor; he and I are friends and he is a good one. I have met a couple who are married to friends and they are wonderful. But the ones in my life, both recent and long ago, leave much to be desired. Without a fault, they are and have been the same – out for what they want and need, and what they can get – to hell with the woman.
I thought I had met one, since moving here. He sought me out, wined and dined me, but then I became a last-minute lunch invitation because he was going to be in my neighborhood on an appointment; he knew he was going to be there way before he called me. In fact, it got so he called an hour or so before wanting to see me. Bong!!! It finally hit me that he really did like me enough to think about me until he was in my neighborhood, and he just did not want to eat alone. UGH!!!!
So even though I do not want to travel the rest of my life alone, it looks like I probably will be doing just that. I guess when I can get the funds together, I will go to new places and see new things and revel in that. Hopefully, I will adjust even better to the fact that I am alone, since it is very apparent that I am and always will be.
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