By the time you reach your senior years, you probably have been hurt or betrayed many times. As a child you realized that your parents did not really love you. Your heart was broken by the person you loved more than life your youth. Your best friend betrayed you or even worse abandoned you in a time of great need. Your boss took credit for your “great ideas.” And there are probably many more injustices that have happened to you. AND you would love to get some sort of revenge on these offenders.
I have been there more times than I care to admit. I seem to attract adversity like a magnet does metal. These actions, however, actually happened to me because of my poor decisions. But the pain, disappointment, humiliation, and grief were very real and once they eased a bit I wanted “pay back.”
I am happy to say at this time of life that I did not actually seek retribution for these awful things that happened to me. I did plot revenge, though, in my heart. That helped me cope with all of those awful residual emotions from the injustices I perceived. I wrote imaginary letters to “hurt” the receiver. I imagined discussions with people who could actually “hurt” a person for what they did to me. I dreamed about “accidents” for the offending person that maimed but did not kill. I spent a lot of time planning revenge. But I never followed through.
Why? I guess, I am basically a “good” person, even though I can be stupid about people. At least, I like to think so. I work on “forgiving” the person or offense. Again, why? I have realized that the forgiveness of that person does not benefit him or her – it benefits me. I get peace and I can move on with my life. This is what I have done. It might take a while to forgive, but I keep working on it until it happens. Eventually, I realize that I do not care one way or another, what befalls the offending individual. I am actually removed from any feelings – good or bad- about that person.
I know a woman who has never forgiven her former husband for cheating on her thirty years ago. This eats away at her even to this day. She focuses on this and it affects her happiness today. She still wants revenge. What a waste of a life. Thirty years of anger - I do not see it. It seems some people want to hold on to this type of anger, but as I said, I want to move on with a good life that is not filled with hate for another human being.
I guess what I want to say to us seniors is that we need to focus more on what good things can be ahead of us instead of all that anger, angst, regret, and sadness of the past.
Live for today!!! But, also, live for tomorrow and the good things it can bring.