Do you ever wish you had made different decisions and lived another life? I have. BUT I have enjoyed my life and even survived those decisions that were not good for me so I had to find another way to change my life.
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The news has generated a lot of fodder for comment lately. One is the evidence of wife-beating by NFL players. Of course, this is called domestic abuse - a euphemism for what it is – beating of a wife. Abuse sounds better than beating.
A man who uses his fist to “cold cock” his wife in an elevator and drags her out through it doors is an abuser. And even if this is the first time he has been seen doing this, I would imagine it is not the first time it has happened. And unfortunately, it will probably not be the last. I cannot understand the “standing by your man” attitude circulated by fans. Don’t these people know that an abused woman usually does not accept that it is wrong for her husband to beat her? She is told that it is her fault and she will undoubtedly say he is a good man. Abused women rarely leave these men no matter how vicious the husband is. A pro football player is a very large and strong man – he has to be to survive his career. Why would he think that it is OK to treat a woman with the full force of his strength? Because he is an abuser – and it will take more than a little counseling to fix the problem. Another issue is with the NFL again – the player who whipped his child with a switch. Again, I am concerned that a huge, powerfully strong man would hit his child in anger and use the excuse that is it acceptable discipline or even that he is spanking the child. I have been spanked, I have been whipped, and I have been beaten – I know the difference. A spanking usually involves a couple of “hits” with an open palm on the offending child’s butt – not really to hurt but to make a point. A beating or whipping takes place when a belt, switch, bat, hammer, fist, or some other device is used. If you hit with something other than your open hand, you are beating or whipping, not spanking. The excuse that it was done to you when you were a child and you turned out OK is not justified. Just because you were beaten, it does not give you permission to do the same. You are abusing your child just as you were abused, no matter what you call it. I think it is disturbing that if one of these players “hit” another player in a game with the force that they used for their victims, it would be called unspeakable and the offending player would be punished. However, if one these players “hits” a wife or child it seems the public thinks it is OK. We really have not come all that far in history if a man or woman can beat a child or a man can beat a woman and it is OK. This is such a sad state of affairs. As a senior, I was there when the first TV advertising started. We got our first TV in the early 50’s and were mesmerized by it. We even paid attention to the commercials. Now as I am older, I find that I am again in front of that TV. However, the commercials are so different and I get so tired of them.
Somewhere along the way commercials have ceased to be information about things that we can buy and have become someone’s idea of entertainment. What upsets me is that the people who create these ads have a different opinion of what is entertainment from me. I find so many of the new TV commercials ridiculous and sometimes offensive. Some make the prospective buyers look ignorant; others make them look crazy. I guess that is humor now. The Super Bowl could be the culprit for this new phase of commercials. I watch the commercials every year with anticipation. And many are quite entertaining. But there is so much competition to get an ad on the Super Bowl that creativity, humor, drama, etc. is what the commercials are about now – not why we should buy the product or even if it is a good product. The commercials for the rest of the year try follow suit. I have some pet peeves right now for offensive commercials. Two new ones for the new whole grain Wheat Thins I find quite ridiculous. I do not think they are funny. The message I get from them is that you have to be crazy to eat new whole grain Wheat Thins or eating them makes stupid. If truth is in the advertising, I think I will pass on these. I need to keep my brain in good shape. Another new one is for Depends. People who have to wear Depends do not want to be ridiculed for wearing them. The whole idea for making Depends undetectable under clothes is that you want discretion. The new commercial was obviously created by a group of silly young people who find wearing Depends funny. It involves a “run” with people of all ages running through the streets wearing Depends – the message saying that everyone should join the run to show it does not matter what underwear you wear. Only an insensitive person would find this amusing. You dropped the ball there, folks. Enjoy your “yuks.” That will be all you get from the buyers of Depends. They might even switch brands since you are so insensitive. There are many more offensive commercials (at least to me) but I think you can get my feelings about what is going on. We have a come a long way, but not necessarily to a better place. I was taught a long time ago that it was not acceptable to make fun of people. I know things have changed and being offensive is now funny – at least to some. I am old school, however; offensive is still offensive to me. There are many seniors who worked for over 40 years and they are still living in poverty. Many of them have no children, pension, or even savings to help out. I think this is a sad statement for America.
I live in a government funded senior home. Because I live in Memphis, a city populated with many poor people, there are quite a few people living here practically for free, with food subsidies, food stamps, free phones, free medical care, etc. The sad thing about this is that there other people here, like me, who live totally on social security (because of circumstances beyond their control) and ironically make too much to qualify for any of the free benefits that people who did not even work can get. My social security is rather low because I taught school in the South for 16 years and quit to work in business. I gave up my pension when I began my new career. No teaching pension for me. My friends who worked up North earned quite a bit more social security because their salaries in the North were so much higher. I did not actually increase my social security until I moved to DC and began working for the government as a contractor. I did become a government employee but my husband retired before I became qualified for a pension and we both moved to the South. I did save for retirement with a 401K but that disappeared in my early 60’s due to illness. My income is considered poverty level in all the statistics I have seen. I created my own dilemma with perhaps poor decisions, but there are so many others who did not. I see many people where I live who do not qualify for anything free, but even though they worked their whole lives, they do not have enough to live on for the rest of their lives. Many are now too old to work or even move to another more suitable place. They have no families and are too old for many friends to still be alive. There are several that I know that just sit in the lobby and stare outside. No one comes to see them; no one cares about them. And they ask for nothing. I will survive somehow, but I am so concerned about those poor people I have seen who have nothing and qualify for nothing. Something is wrong here. To have worked a whole lifetime and have nothing to show for it is so sad to me. there should be a better way. This is a sad epitaph for America. Since growing older, my attitude about my life in general has changed. My circle of friends has diminished to a couple rather than many. I have no significant other in my life, either. I have my dog, but when he goes to Rainbow Ridge, I will not get another. I see a future totally alone. This used to scare me – I surrounded myself with tons of “friends,” husbands, animals, etc. Now I do not care if I end up alone because I am alone now and I seem to be surviving. It is not a perfect situation, but it is OK.
I would like to make some new acquaintances (I no longer feel that people my age can make new good friends). I like to share experiences with others, i.e. a wonderful trip to the beach or the museum or even a fine dinner somewhere. But I am realizing that people my age tend to avoid new friendships for whatever reason and the old saying that older men are seeking “a nurse or a purse” seems applicable in my senior years. Note: I have to nurse myself and I have an empty purse so I guess a mate is out of the question. I still like adventure and the few friends I have left do not understand me – I take risks like I am young and I suffer the consequences of these decisions that I make. But that is OK; I still want to experience life and new things even if I end up paying for my decisions. No safe mode for me. Now, I am not saying that I have totally adapted to this “alone” mode. I find that I talk to strangers, a lot. I think this is because I do not have many humans to talk with in life now. I fear I am viewed as a crazy old lady by these conversations and I am trying (not too successfully) to limit them. One day I might succeed. Anyway, my point is that being alone will be OK as long as I can still experience life and be my own true self. As I get older, I realize that “my own true self” is not greatly appreciated by all. But that’s OK, too. I find that I now do not need anyone’s approval. How wonderful that I have finally reached this point. For the first time in my life, I answer to no one but myself. It is freeing. |
AuthorI am a retired teacher and IT trainer who has travelled a bit and learned many life lessons. Archives
October 2021
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