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Hanging On

6/30/2013

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I think that as we grow older, we keep hanging onto things from our past because it is too painful to get rid of them. 
As the years pass, I find that I have hung onto many things, events, and people.  

Although I have moved many times over my lifetime and I got rid of a lot of “things” when I would make a move, I still kept hanging onto many things that have a memory attached. 
 
Photographs are an example of these things.I kept photos of every place I travelled even if they were not particularly good ones. I have school pictures of my friends in elementary and high school.  I
have pictures of people I met over the years and I cannot remember who they are or where the photos were taken. 
But still I keep them. The box and albums are packed in one whole container now.

I have special decorative “things” that I cannot bear to get rid of, even though they do not fit in my present lodging and probably will not fit in the next one. I have furniture that does not really fit, but it is
stored. I have awards and commendations that do not really mean anything now, but I still keep them.

But I guess the one thing I have really had a hard time getting rid of is people that became my friends many years ago. 
I have really hung on to them, until recently. Circumstances a few years ago forced me to take another look at these
friendships.  Several people left my life of their own accord, and I was heartbroken, although they really had not been active in my life in a long time. Yes, they answered the phone when I called but did not call me. Yes, they came to parties and dinners
but did not invite me to theirs. When I was ill and a friend walked out of my hospital room, never to return to my life, I was forced to look at my old friendships more closely.  I was trying to continue friendships that were over.  I was trying too hard to hold onto something that was long gone. I analyzed more of my
“friendships” and was forced to face the fact that they were over and had been
for a long time.  I did not call, invite, or contact them, and they did not call, invite, or contact me ever again.  Talk about hard!!!!!  But I eventually managed to get over the loss and make new friends.

My point is that it is hard to look at life as a new adventure as we grow older.  It is easier to hang onto the past.  It may not be very rewarding, but it is safe. Safe seems more important than it is in life when life is getting shorter.  Even if my life is not lasting much longer, I am trying to be open to making it fuller with new things,
experiences, and friends.


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Seniors Adapting? You Betcha!

6/24/2013

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I never thought that I would want a summer month like June to be over, but this year I am.  I have
tried to overcome some of the things that June has given me with a trip to Nags Head and the beach.  Although it was glorious there, it was for only one
day.

I guess I am not enjoying the month because I am older now and every mishap in my life causes pain – whether physical or emotional. I moved to a little cottage that some friends offered me. They needed a caretaker and I needed a cheap place to live. 
This move has become the major stress of my life, and this little cottage is forcing me to remember how to do things that I have not done in 30 years.  Now when you are 30, little mishaps are just that – little. 
When you are in your 60’s and handicapped those little mishaps become major problems that must be dealt with no matter the cost or the needed repair.

I had my oil changed and the people there said my front tires were wearing and needed watching. 
Less than 24 hours later I had a flat on the road at the edge of nowhere (I live in the middle of nowhere). Luckily, a friend was with me and her brother was more than happy to find us and put on my donut tire to get me to the nearest tire company.  
 
We also had a tropical storm that popped the remaining screens on the screened porch. A guy at Lowe’s said if they were old (rotted old) that I
would not be able to repair them. (The house is over 50 years old and a little neglected.) Because the porch is screened, none of the windows or three sliding glass doors that open to the porch have screens.  I had to reach back in my memory to over
30 years ago to remember the expandable screens I used then; I bought some at Lowe’s.  They are called mobile home screens now.

The window air conditioner in the living room cannot run because a fuse (old knob and tool) has blown and I cannot see which one it is. I have not had knob and tool fuses since I was in my thirties and bought an old beach house. The fuse box was quickly replaced after it caught fire when I tried to
run a space heater. And this morning another window air conditioner (bedroom) had a warning light on it.  After succeeding to get down to see it, I saw it was the filter light. Evidently it has never been cleaned and the few times I have used it
clogged it up.  Luckily, the internet has instructions for replacing/cleaning the filter. So it has been
cleaned and we will see what happens tonight.

 So now I have added June’s problems to the previous months’, i.e., snakes, buzzards on the roof, the refrigerator icemaker leaking and flooding the kitchen floor for 5 days, the roof leaking in the living room and kitchen, the faucets in the bathroom and kitchen dripping constantly, the exorbitant cost of baseboard heating for a house with no insulation and a “open air” remodeling job in the back, the feeling of isolation in the winter since this is a “summer” place and there are no neighbors, having to take the trash to the dump because the little town does not pick up trash in the middle of nowhere, and a cable company that cannot get the phone or internet to work after 5 months of trying.

If I live through this experience, and I do not think that the problems are over, I will be so glad to move to a small one bedroom place with no upkeep problems.  I am thinking of going south so I will not have large heat bills.  
 
I guess you could look at this as a test for how an older person adapts.  Although it feels like
hell, I seem to be adapting and overcoming these “little mishaps.”  Keep your fingers crossed that I can continue to do so. 


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What Next?

6/17/2013

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Today I am feeling my age – maybe even a bit more than my actual years.  Pain becomes an unwanted partner as you age and can color your opinion of life. It makes me question if I want to live for another 20
years.

But, also today, I am thinking about a car commercial I saw on TV that has your car giving you a monthly report on its wellbeing. This commercial opened up doors of wonderment for me. I might want to be there – 20 years from now.

Just think about 20 years ago and you will see what I mean.  Today’s world is a wondrous one of invention.  Technology has exploded in this time frame and with it all kinds of experiences have been made
available to us.

Did we ever imagine twenty years ago that we could see our grandchildren when we phoned them?  Did we ever think we could be in touch daily with our friends and family without a phone being involved?  Twitter and Facebook have opened up a myriad of possibilities with the world.  
 
Twenty years ago, I never anticipated creating a website.  I did not anticipate making a living in the IT world.  (Now my expertise is a bit obsolete in that world. Time and invention do pass.)  I also never dreamed I would have a major health event, much less survive one. Just think what the next twenty years could present us.

My imagination is limited when anticipating what it will be like to be alive during the next 20 years, but I can imagine that it will be so  exciting and full of new ideas and adventures that it will be worth staying
around.  There might be a permanent fix for my pain.  There may be a cure for
life threatening illnesses.  Who knows, we might be able to say, “Beam me up, Scottie,” when we travel.  Surely, if not that, we will be able to program our car (remember KITT) and sit back and
ride. No need for a driver's license.

I marvel at what we as a group of humans have done in the world so far.  I cannot wait to see what comes next.  So I guess I will try to stay around for another twenty or more years.  I cannot wait for the future!

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Is Big Brother Watching You?

6/13/2013

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I am happy that “Big Brother” is listening and possibly watching.  I do not care if he
listens to or watches me.  I am not doing anything wrong, unpatriotic, or anything considered treasonous, but there are those among us who are.  I do not want another  9/11, Boston, Oklahoma, or any other future act of terrorism.  If you are doing something that the government disapproves of, even if it is tax evasion, you should be caught.  They can listen to my phone calls, read my emails, and check me out on Facebook.  There is nothing there that they would want to see. 
 
And speaking of Facebook – gosh people, some of you tell all your friends every little thing that you do - short of when you go to the bathroom. Why do you care if the Government wants to know what you do? 
In addition, every time you use your computer or phone for commerce,
banking, websites, or texting, etc., you leave a mark that is tracked, recorded,
and used in one way or another by a third party that is not the government. 
 
So those of us who have nothing to hide need to get over  ourselves.  Monitoring us has been going on for quite a while – probably since 9/11 or maybe even earlier.  Technology has made it more intricate and revealing, but we have always been “watched.” That is why some fanatics live in the woods "under the grid."

This issue, I believe, is being raised for political reasons. We will be having elections in Congress soon, and then there is the Presidential election in a few years.  Do not let the politicians’ quest for their personal gains guide you into this
paranoia. That is, of course, if you have nothing to hide.


 
 
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Change

6/2/2013

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It has been a while since I posted and the reason, mainly, is I have been looking for my new purpose (see previous post). As I have said before, I moved for financial reasons to a little town in North Carolina. This has been a big “change” for me since I do not even live in the little town. I live in the country with trees, wheat fields, and corn fields as scenery, snakes, buzzards, and muskrats as visitors, and cows, pigs, and goats for neighbors. I have been a “big city” girl my whole life and this has been a really big change.

However, my whole adult life has been about change. I have looked back and realized that even before I left my hometown of Memphis, TN, I was moving constantly to different parts of the city to
live.  When I decided to leave Memphis in my 30’s and moved to Charleston, SC, I did not realize that this move would set into action my “gypsy” ways. I then relocated about every 2 to 3 years to a city where I knew no one.  Friends asked me what I was running away from and my answer was I was running toward adventure, aka change.  As a result, I have met some wonderful people whom I still call friends, and I have had many adventures exploring my new cities.

Well, it appears I have started those gypsy ways again, only this time I am a senior with some disabilities and a limited income. That is a big change from my younger years when I was armed with certifications and technical abilities that procured me viable working opportunities. 
Now, although I still have those certifications and abilities, I am also a senior citizen.  Doors of opportunities do
no open as readily.

Here comes my new change. This one is a little more frightening. It is going to take more investigation and exploration to find a “change” that makes me happy.  I have looked at some of those options that are available.

Possibilities include a new charity project, going to church activities more regularly, joining and attending a senior center’s activities, and starting to paint, write, or even attend classes at a university. Whatever I do, it really must be more than “killing time.”  I must find a “change” in my new life that will stimulate and challenge me for the time I have left.  
 
Although some seniors are adverse to change, I hope they realize, as I have, that change can be wonderful. Staying where you are in your comfort zone might prevent you from experiencing a new and exciting older life.  What was good for you when you were younger might not be the ticket for your senior years. I am challenging you to change something in your life, if you can. You might be surprised, after the terror wears off, how invigorating change can be.


 
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    I am a retired teacher and IT trainer who has travelled a bit and learned many life lessons.

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