About one month ago, I posted that I thought I had lost a friend, because I had expressed my feelings about something. Well, at this date it appears to be true. But I am not going to swallow my feelings, likes, or dislikes anymore. I am at an age where there is less time in front of me than behind me. I need to be true to myself.

​When we get older, especially we women, we sometimes reach a place where we stand up for ourselves and what we want and expect from others. Not everyone one does this, and we do not do it at the same time, when we do it.

​But after putting others' feelings, wants,  and needs first, I have reached that place of self-respect. If my future has less "pushy" people in it, well, so be it.

​There is a good reason why I have spent most of my life considering others first. My mother taught me that I should do this, rather than cause disagreement. She thought she was doing a good thing. She, also thought it would keep me from being alone. What she did not realize is that we are alone, when we are with others who do not consider our wishes or desires. We are just the doormat outside the door of their lives. Selfish people prey on those poor women, like me, who respect their feelings more than our own. They "rule."

​So I lost that friend, and it is not so bad. I do not have to do and act the way that person wanted. I look back and realize how uncomfortable I was in those early days of friendship. If that friendship had continued it would have ended very badly, as all friendships that I have had like this. It is better to have fewer true friends, who permit me to be the person I am.

​But let me assure others out there. I intend to look for new friends. I have "old" friends, but I have made a few newer friends who are as valuable. I am encouraged that although I am viewed by many as a "weird old bird," there are people out there in our vast world who will like me for who I am. Those I welcome. Those naysayers can just stay away...I will not miss them.

Recently I decided to start “living again.” I have been in a state of “wait and see” for quite some time, living in the periphery of life. However, about a year ago, I joined a group of single seniors to get into a type of social life. I had not made too many new friends in the last few years, mainly because of two things – I move a lot (a bit of a wanderer spirit) and not everyone can take much of “Peggy” in large doses. And to be honest, I have not made any good friends in this group, either. But the nice and most important thing is that I have gone out to nice restaurants, met quite a few nice people, and generally have had an enjoyable time. I did not stay at home with the TV.

I also joined a “lunch ladies” group but have only attended one lunch due to my financial restraints now. I do plan on going there more often, as my money frees up. These ladies are all ages and it is nice to be with younger adults, too. It keeps me young.

I intend to keep going to both groups when I can, but I am searching for one that fits me, even better. I have even been toying with the idea of starting one of my own, when finances permit. I need an acronym for it -Seniors Living on Fixed Incomes (SLFI) or Poor Single Seniors (PSS) or Over Fifty Indigent Seniors (OFPS). None of these seem to fit, but I think there is a need for those of us practically living in poverty in our senior years. I know many just in my apartment complex. They, as I, lost their retirement savings to illness. I bet there are quite a few out there. Maybe some of them are looking for something to do other than playing bingo.

And all of this rambling means that I have not given up yet. There is still a life for the poorer retiree out there after 65 years, 70 years or even older. I want to create one since no one else seems to be doing it. The ads for growing older show healthy, young looking retires with money. Oh, is that so wrong.
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So “into the breach” I go. Who knows what will happen?
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Well, it has almost been two weeks since I literally fell "all over myself" - pitched forward and landed, nose and chin first. Today there is only a small noticeable bruise under the eyes, and a still more pronounced bruise on the chin. But, amazingly I am OK. I have been a little sore, and I have almost worn myself out moving - walking constantly everywhere. No broken bones!!!

​I would like to say that falling is something that I have just started doing since I have reached a more advanced age. Unfortunately, that would be an untruth. I have a memory of falling face first all the way down the Memphis bluff to the Mississippi River below. Luckily it was Spring and the river was low. A friend told me at the time, that our gym teacher (10th grade) would have been proud of my dive.

​And of course, there have been others. I had another face first fall and did much more damage than this one back several years ago. My point is that people were so nice, once again, to this clumsy woman. A neighbor found the battery insert for my keychain that must have flown out as I fell. Another friend bought me a new cane to replace the damaged one (yes, I bent it with my plunge). People checked on me and offered help in so many ways. It has reaffirmed how nice people can be.

​I have almost worn myself out these last two weeks walking everywhere for as long as I can. It has worn me out, but I am still able to walk and have eliminated quite a bit of the inevitable soreness that comes with a fall.  But, although tired, I am happy to report that I am still going, albeit smudged eyes and bruised chin. I plan to once again get going with discovering more of life.

​I am avidly looking forward to summer and have begun thinking about what I might do next. I have relayed my misadventure to you to encourage you NOT to give up when you have a setback. I am proof that an aging person can come back from adversity. I have done it many times, and I will probably get into another bad situation because I do take chances. And they do work out quite often.

​I will keep you posted. Oh, and keep your fingers crossed for me that another fall is not in my immediate future.