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Forgiveness,

3/28/2015

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I have read that forgiveness is good for the soul, and I have tried over the years to forgive all those who have hurt me. It has been hard. These infractions have not been minor; some has even been life threatening. But I have tried to forgive.

Forgiveness sounds so good. I have tried not to hurt people over the years, but if you are human, you know that it is inevitable that you will step on someone’s toes and hurt them. I try to be a good person and learn to “live and let live.” I have become less judgmental as I have gotten older and I try very hard to understand those I do not understand. As others have done, I was rash, when young, in my decisions and moved forward hurting others in the process. I regret this, but as I said I was young. When young, you do not stop to assess the situation as readily as later, when you are older.

I am no longer young, and I do try to be better.  However, I seem to wear my emotions on my sleeve and I get hurt easily now. Forgiveness is hard. It takes a while – sometimes years. I have found that divorcing and forgiving a man takes me over 5 years for the forgiveness to set in, if he hurt me during the marriage. That means I am still hurting and that’s not good.

My mother used to tell me that she could forgive but not forget. I realize now that if you really cannot forget the treachery, the abuse, or just all the pain that was caused, you cannot forgive. And forgiveness is where the peace is.

Forgiveness is very hard. But I think it is worth trying to find. You are the one who really benefits from forgiveness, not the one you forgive.

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Flexibility

3/17/2015

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Oh, I know, you are thinking, “What is she talking about? We all know that our flexibility gets worse as we get older.” Well, I am not talking about my physical flexibility. I am talking about my mental flexibility.

Lately, I have noticed that I am not flexible when things do not go as planned. I am totally rigid and get very upset when there is a snag in my life. It might just be that I cannot find my keys or something more major like people not responding to my queries on something. I get really uptight.

When I was younger I was an organized person “with flexibility.” I planned and executed my plans but did not react emotionally when the plans had to be changed. I was flexible. Now, I am so different.

Now, I panic. If I have misplaced my keys, I still assure myself that they are in the house, since I let myself into it with them. BUT I still panic. I frantically search and re-search for them. Or when I call someone or email someone and I do not hear back immediately, I overreact. I fuss and fidget until I hear from them. I am killing myself with stress.

Why is this happening? My take on this is that as I have aged I have steadily lost more and more control over my life. Therefore, I have tried to control it more. Catch 22, anyone?

I wish I could relax a bit more and live the rest of my life the way I lived my earlier years. I really do not need the additional stress of “over-controlling” my life. But as I have aged, my finances have lowered, my health has changed quite a bit, and my physical movements have become more labored. I also try to control what will be going on after I die – making plans on that, too.

Yes, I am a mess, but I am trying to get “control” of this, too. I am taking more deep breaths, “talking to myself” to calm down when I panic, and trying to enjoy my life with less control. It is hard. Once a control freak - always a control freak. However, I really want a stress-free older life. I want all to live my life with phrases like “live and let live,” “roll with the punches,” and “not my worry.” Oh, the freedom that will come with that!

 

 

 

 

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Vietnam - 50 Years Ago

3/8/2015

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I heard on the news this morning that it was 50 years ago today that the US entered a ground war in Vietnam. I had just graduated from high school and the draft was in effect. Every boy I knew panicked about being drafted to Vietnam. At first a boy was exempt if he was in college; before long he had to go even if in college. Then he was exempt if he was married; one would not believe the marriages that took place. Then only those with a child were exempt; finally everyone who was under a certain age (I believe it was 35) had to go.

I knew a guy who did the college thing, got married, and was drafted at 28 before he managed to have a child. Since he was considered “old” he was put in charge of the 18 year olds. It was a scary time.
The draft was horrible and very scary, but even before the war a young man had to serve in the military for 2 years.

Quite a few young men signed up voluntarily for the Navy or if they qualified for the Air Force to avoid the draft into the Army. Most of those young men “grew up” under the tutelage of the Army, Navy, or Air Force during that time. They learned to follow orders, obey the rules, be respectful and many other things. I will note, however, that many of them died (over 55,000 during the war years) or came back from the war with severe problems.

I wonder if the young “thugs” of all races who are looking to belong to a gang would not benefit in the military or some other legal organized faction. They would belong to something and learn how an adult should behave in a civilized society.

Years ago, during peace time, I met a woman whose daughter signed up for the Army; this young woman’s plan was that she would go up as far she could, get all the education that the Army offered, and later if she decided to leave, use the veteran benefits to go to college. Her mother was a single parent and could not afford to send her daughter to college. The wonderful news, the last time I heard about her, was that she had rapidly moved up in the ranks.

I realize that this story would not happen to all, but the structure developed in young people’s lives under some sort of disciplined environment would help them become mature at an earlier age and perhaps benefit them in their future. We are losing too many of our young people to drugs, despair, crime, lethargy, etc.

I do not think bringing the draft back is a good idea, but our country needs to come up with something to help our young people. College used to be the answer, but now college campuses are just as dangerous as city streets.

I wish there were a way to help them get beyond those youthful years where they make so many mistakes that can ruin their lives.  
I wish we, as their elders, could figure out what to do.

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    I am a retired teacher and IT trainer who has travelled a bit and learned many life lessons.

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