Since growing older, my attitude about my life in general has changed. My circle of friends has diminished to a couple rather than many. I have no significant other in my life, either. I have my dog, but when he goes to Rainbow Ridge, I will not get another. I see a future totally alone. This used to scare me – I surrounded myself with tons of “friends,” husbands, animals, etc. Now I do not care if I end up alone because I am alone now and I seem to be surviving. It is not a perfect situation, but it is OK.
I would like to make some new acquaintances (I no longer feel that people my age can make new good friends). I like to share experiences with others, i.e. a wonderful trip to the beach or the museum or even a fine dinner somewhere. But I am realizing that people my age tend to avoid new friendships for whatever reason and the old saying that older men are seeking “a nurse or a purse” seems applicable in my senior years. Note: I have to nurse myself and I have an empty purse so I guess a mate is out of the question.
I still like adventure and the few friends I have left do not understand me – I take risks like I am young and I suffer the consequences of these decisions that I make. But that is OK; I still want to experience life and new things even if I end up paying for my decisions. No safe mode for me.
Now, I am not saying that I have totally adapted to this “alone” mode. I find that I talk to strangers, a lot. I think this is because I do not have many humans to talk with in life now. I fear I am viewed as a crazy old lady by these conversations and I am trying (not too successfully) to limit them. One day I might succeed.
Anyway, my point is that being alone will be OK as long as I can still experience life and be my own true self. As I get older, I realize that “my own true self” is not greatly appreciated by all. But that’s OK, too. I find that I now do not need anyone’s approval. How wonderful that I have finally reached this point. For the first time in my life, I answer to no one but myself. It is freeing.
I would like to make some new acquaintances (I no longer feel that people my age can make new good friends). I like to share experiences with others, i.e. a wonderful trip to the beach or the museum or even a fine dinner somewhere. But I am realizing that people my age tend to avoid new friendships for whatever reason and the old saying that older men are seeking “a nurse or a purse” seems applicable in my senior years. Note: I have to nurse myself and I have an empty purse so I guess a mate is out of the question.
I still like adventure and the few friends I have left do not understand me – I take risks like I am young and I suffer the consequences of these decisions that I make. But that is OK; I still want to experience life and new things even if I end up paying for my decisions. No safe mode for me.
Now, I am not saying that I have totally adapted to this “alone” mode. I find that I talk to strangers, a lot. I think this is because I do not have many humans to talk with in life now. I fear I am viewed as a crazy old lady by these conversations and I am trying (not too successfully) to limit them. One day I might succeed.
Anyway, my point is that being alone will be OK as long as I can still experience life and be my own true self. As I get older, I realize that “my own true self” is not greatly appreciated by all. But that’s OK, too. I find that I now do not need anyone’s approval. How wonderful that I have finally reached this point. For the first time in my life, I answer to no one but myself. It is freeing.
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