For several months, I have been just existing in this life of mine. I go through the motions, paying bills, cleaning my apartment, watering my plants, “doing things” on my computer (paying bills a big thing) and other totally boring things. My goals made at the beginning of last year became less and less able to reach. I became mired down in the negative parts of life. I have been there too long.
Now that the new year has started once again, I want to change VERY aspect of my life this year. I want to move into new lodgings, (preferably in a new city) I want to have friends “like me” (and that is hard to find) and I want to shake off this depression that has been sitting on my shoulders for far too long. The only “thing” I will not change is that I want my little dog to keep on living. He is my constant friend.
The people I know in Pensacola are natives and do not understand my longing for something else. They are perfectly happy with their lives, albeit worried as most of us are with finances, etc. They do not understand my wanderlust – they are not like me. This is not a bad thing; it is just the truth. I am and have always been weird by others’ standards for most of my life.
Well, if you are reading this, you are probably saying, “What exactly does she want?” As the saying goes, “It’s complicated.” I will try to clarify.
Just because I have gotten older does not mean that I must do repetitive, meaningless things to fill my time. To me, it has never been about housecleaning, running errands, “normal” repetitive things in life. Weird, weird I know. But that is who I am, and the friends that I have had a long time, accept this, even if they do not understand.
Example, can you guess how many times I have moved over the last 30 years? You would probably be astounded by the number and really think I am weird. Well, I am. AND I want to move again.
So…..this year I am going to try again. I will start the move back to who I am and if I end up alone, that is OK. I have been alone for quite some time – long enough to accept my own company. But do not misunderstand – I will not really be alone; I will make new acquaintances; but I will keep moving along to new adventures where I will make even more new ones.
So here goes – return to my life as I remember it.
Now that the new year has started once again, I want to change VERY aspect of my life this year. I want to move into new lodgings, (preferably in a new city) I want to have friends “like me” (and that is hard to find) and I want to shake off this depression that has been sitting on my shoulders for far too long. The only “thing” I will not change is that I want my little dog to keep on living. He is my constant friend.
The people I know in Pensacola are natives and do not understand my longing for something else. They are perfectly happy with their lives, albeit worried as most of us are with finances, etc. They do not understand my wanderlust – they are not like me. This is not a bad thing; it is just the truth. I am and have always been weird by others’ standards for most of my life.
Well, if you are reading this, you are probably saying, “What exactly does she want?” As the saying goes, “It’s complicated.” I will try to clarify.
Just because I have gotten older does not mean that I must do repetitive, meaningless things to fill my time. To me, it has never been about housecleaning, running errands, “normal” repetitive things in life. Weird, weird I know. But that is who I am, and the friends that I have had a long time, accept this, even if they do not understand.
Example, can you guess how many times I have moved over the last 30 years? You would probably be astounded by the number and really think I am weird. Well, I am. AND I want to move again.
So…..this year I am going to try again. I will start the move back to who I am and if I end up alone, that is OK. I have been alone for quite some time – long enough to accept my own company. But do not misunderstand – I will not really be alone; I will make new acquaintances; but I will keep moving along to new adventures where I will make even more new ones.
So here goes – return to my life as I remember it.
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