Many of my neighbors and I have self-isolated. We are a senior apartment complex, and I think they feel, as I do, that at our age we do not need to temp Fate. I also have finally been assessed by my nurse friend to be able to drive myself once again. That in itself is a freedom. 

I wanted to go to the store today, not for anything special, just to replace a few things and get a few sale items. BUT it is raining. Now, I always poopooed the old people (when younger) for not going out when it rains. But I have become one - my issue is balancing my cane, my umbrella, and trying to keep an arm free for everything else - like opening doors to cars.

Long story short, I will wait until tomorrow or whenever the rains stop or just order my groceries online and have them delivered. I hate to admit this, but It appears I have become one of those old people who only go out when the sun is out. 

I guess 74 1/2 is a good time to admit I am getting old - not older, but old. In my heart I am still a young woman. But my brain and body like to remind me that I am getting old - all the time.

Therefore, I will wait until tomorrow to got out, but it is a given that I will get out sometime soon. I am and have never been a homebody. And TV is all reruns, obviously, and I have sworn not to read my books until I go to bed. Why? I just have a few left. I guess I will have to order some from a booksite that I once used.

When I moved into my apartment in Pensacola, FL 6 years ago, I never knew I would live here this long (about 3 years had been my limit). And now I cannot think of anyplace that I would want to live in that I can afford. And my apartment is roomy and comfortable. I have it furnished, finally, after leaving everything in that storage unit in NC. And I am as content as I can be, being the wanderer that I am.

This apartment has changed hands (don't you love that expression?) and millionaires did what they do to make money - sold us down the river. Rent went up and services went down when they hired a bankrupt management company to take over for the wonderful (and I guess expensive) one we had for 5 years.

Anyway, I am watching the lovely liquid sunshine that has been with us since our rainy season began. Gray is really a non-descript color, you know. Black and white are considered no color and gray appears to be their step child. And it has been gray here for so long.

Riley and I made it out early for his "potty run" this AM before another shower came by. He is snoozing to my left on his pillow and velour cover. He is royalty you know - registered name Prince Riley. 

Anyway, not only is it raining, but we are in the middle of a pandemic, as the world is. I rarely see my neighbors and friends, unless I go check on them or they check on me. Then we stand 6 feet apart, automatically, and most of us wear masks. My black friends are not wearing a mask, and I have not asked why - it would be an invasion of their privacy and it is their business.

I was hoping to start driving again since my last brain fuzz, and I never thought I would say this, but I will wait until it stops raining. We senior Florida drivers tend to be reckless in our old age, and I do not want an additional thing to worry about. So I will stay home but it is killing me, and I need some groceries. I have a friend who will drive me, but I want to go by myself and not inconvenience her.

That friend has just unloaded a family storage unit into her apartment. She has enough to do and our new prissy little manager has given her until the 26th to get rid of it. She has had 4 heart attacks since I have lived here and many before that. He is being a jerk  but it is because she feeds our stray cats and he does not like stray cats. (or cats in general.}

I feed three strays myself. And when he told me to stop, I told him if I did we would have all those little guys we had when I moved in here -lizards, frogs, small, bugs, roaches, Palmetto bugs, mice, and rats. He did not say another word to me about it again. But he is threatening my friend with eviction is she does not stop.

I REALLY THINK HE DOES NOT HAVE A CLUE OF WHAT IS GOING ON HERE IN THIS RETIRED COMMUNITY. HIS THREAT WILL NOT FLY IN COURT AND I HAVE A DEAR 90 YEAR OLD BLACK LADY WHO HAS A LAWYER ON SPEED DIAL. Our manager does not realize who he is messing with. Old people have been around the block several times.

So life here in Pensacola, in this apartment complex, goes on- much like everywhere else. And in the midst of this pandemic, a monumental occurrence, we still have petty little people pushing their petty agenda. It is probably good that we are locked down inside because of this pandemic. Not much can be done right now. 
​

I am sure I am alone on this, but since call waiting has come into use, people now put you on hold to get the other call and keep you there while talking to the other person. This makes me feel as if I am not worthy enough to keep talking to if someone else calls.

I do use it, myself, but  to see who called me, but I never put a person on hold to answer the call unless it is doctor or someone like that calling me regarding on appointment of health. And then I tell the caller, I will call them back.

Anyway, I usually hang up after waiting several minutes while the "more important call" is answered.. And every old person I know has this. And if you wait, you might talk to them in a few minutes or several if you hold on long enough. I understand emergencies, doctor's offices calling back, etc. But personal calls?

Also, if I hang on long enough I get disconnected anyway. So that is pet peeve that probably only old grumpy people like me have. But I have it and I practice what I said I will do, even if it is one of my good friends.

You would think that I would have learned to keep my opinions to this site only and my mouth shut when around others, too. Why? because I am so frank when a subject upsets me.

Those who have known me forever, know that I give my opinions and advice freely. Always, have, and I am afraid always will.

I have a neighbor and friend who told me yesterday not to call her this weekend. She is very angry with me. This is upsetting since not only is she a friend, but she drives me until I can do it again, and she is concerned about my health- much like as a former teacher, I "help" people with their problems, with the computer or other things.

This friend has had 4 heart attacks since I moved here 6 years ago. And being me, the former teacher, I have tried to "help" her. 

Recently, she had everything sent to her apartment that was in a large storage room. This is "stuff" from her grandmother's and mother's house. She is going to go through it and planning to distribute belongings to her nieces if they want it and then sell the rest at local flea marker.

Our apartment manager is a jerk. He has decided to pick on her about getting everything out by the end of this month. (walls in her apartment are lined with boxes, her extra bathroom and bedroom are the full.)

With Brenda this a temporary thing- we have people who have a three bedroom's worth of house in a two bedroom apartment. And they have been like that since moving in 6 years ago. But she has been vocal about problems, as all of us intelligent people do. He is an immature little man with a Napoleon complex and he is going to punish her.

Anyway, back to us, we were talking yesterday and being older I gave unwanted advice. Get rid of it, sell, give it away. I related my dilemma of a few years ago of a storage unit 1000 miles away with everything I owned from many years of life. I also told her that young people today, like her niece, do not want that old stuff we have treasured.

Anyway, she said do not call her again this weekend. She is a reasonable person, a former charge nurse, but her emotions are raw and our management is pouring acid on them.

​Therefore, I will wait until she calls me again. FYI. ,many other neighbors have offered to go to her apartment  to help, but I told them we must wait and see. Losing everything from your past is difficult to accept.

​Facebook has been my recent receptacle to comments, lately, and I apologize to all of you who read my page and my thoughts here.

​I promise to be better at communicating with my followers from now on. I am getting older and more decrepit with each passing day. From that illness long ago, my body is older than its 74 years - about 10 years older. And of course, my brain is experiencing a slow down as well. But I treasure my followers. And hope you will forgive me for my lapse in communication..

Life during this pandemic is so depressing. My main physical companion is my dog. The apartment where I live is comprised  of older people. We do not get together much, unless we pass in the hall-with our masks on and six feet apart. I miss our get togethers - games, cards, potlucks. But that is necessary to remain healthy.

I am just sitting and letting life pass by and I am on the down side of it anyway. So I read, watch reruns, communicate with friends by Facebook and email, and talk to my dog Riley. And I still miss them. Once in a while, we do meet in the halls or some neighbors knock on my door to check on me. 

I hope all of you are healthy, wealthy and wise - at least healthy. I treasure you and apologize once again for not posting often. I will do better, I promise.

Stay with me my friends. Oh, and when you make a comment I get it sent to me via email. I got one recently - very nice one-  on my post on Genteel Poverty.

Take care of yourselves - I love you.

Yesterday my day was different. I actually went out to shop and pick up meds. I still am not cleared to drive alone without my neighbor - she says. But I am driving. Maybe my real life is coming back partially. Not many places to go with the pandemic for fun, but shopping will do, and maybe in a short while a little trip to see our bay that empties into the Gulf of Mexico.

Today is Hallmark Channel Day - mysteries all day. I do not consider them excellent but they keep me company for a while. And I am feeling more like myself every day.

Today I made muffins. AND I am also planning for dinner. When I went to the doctor recently I had lost weight (9lbs) and I have not been trying consciously to do this. BUT I have not been eating lately - sometimes not very much.

But today I made muffins and I am fixing a new  frozen "chicken bowl" for dinner. True, it is not cooking, but it is a real meal.

It is warming up a little - above freezing so I can uncover my patio plants and water them well. We had weather in the high 30's a few days ago - not normal for here and I think some more weather is coming our way soon. But today it is going up to 61. The whole week is supposed to be in the 60's. That is better.

I am sorry that this post is so mundane, but my life is. I am optimistic that things will keep getting better for me and the rest of the country. And gradually "life" will return for us. This waiting is so boring.

I will probably post again soon and maybe, I will have something to post. Stay healthy and keep thinking positively. I will try to do that, too.

.During my lockdown for the virus, I am forced to do only a few things, over and over. The early morning involves lots of coffee and meds so I can get going. A few years go I was ready to go someplace by 9 AM. Now it is more like 11 AM. In addition to the complications around the pandemic, I also have some issues with my daily activities.

Now that I am in self-promoted exile from fun outside activities, I have to watch all those reruns on TV. I understand that where. there used to a show or movie filming, it is probably quarantined as I am.

My hands right now are really looking old with odd knuckles from arthritis, broken nails, and lines and blood vessels prominent. All this writing above is to prepare for what I am going to say now - warning it is not very intelligent - just something I am wondering as I watch all those commercials with all those reruns.

Where do they find these hand models for their products. I saw some beautiful hands in a commercial for lotion. I have heard that there hand models, but now I understand. Now I wonder what their faces look like. Are they beautiful, too, or just plain or worse. 

Now at 74, I do not think I could model anything that shows my body or face. Guess I will have to consider a different career. Maybe, I should become a counselor, since I am old and wise now. 

I think this started me thinking because I had neighbors coming and checking on me. AND I live in a senior facility. No one is young here. But these two neighbors, not close friends or anything, came by to see if I was OK. They had not seen me around and were worried. I assured them I was OK and staying inside a bit more because of the COVID.

Well, I will finish this rambling post and sign off for now. I am OK health wise, but just short of sane with all of this isolation. That does not mesh with my personality.

Stay healthy, my friends.

 I think everyone is trying to be more normal with  following our new government guidelines. I put my mask on every time I leave the apartment even to get the mail. You never know when you will meet another older neighbor out for a walk or getting their mail.

In fact, I was without heat for several months and a lovely neighbor lent me her radiator heater. I returned it to her today and asked her what kind of cake I could make to thank her. She said none. She was glad to lend it to me, since she did not need or use it. We visited with masks for a while and I came home to Riley.

I have lived here over 5 1/2 years and I have so many nice neighbors, as evidenced with all my falls and the lack of heat. I always try to hello them and they help me also. 

My friends and neighbors are mostly younger than I am, but there is a delightful black lady who is in her mid 80's who has been my friend since I moved here. I also had a friend who moved in with her daughter who was 90. 

Since I never had a close relationship with my mother, these ladies, in addition to some, others in my past, have stepped up and cared for me and given me motherly advice. It often seems odd that I am accepting help instead of giving it.

Now that we are basically locked in (only doctor and grocery/pharmacy visits), we are becoming closer and helping each other out. We talk in the halls with our masks on or on the phone. We are coping pretty well.

We have no Covid shots offered yet, but maybe it will be soon.

The last time I posted I was not feeling too hot. A friend reminded me the other day that I have fallen and hit my head 7 times in the last year. It is a wonder I still have a brain after all the concussions I must have had. And they do no heal like those young footballs players - it takes time with an old person.

But I am coming back and my memory is not totally destroyed. I give credit to my ancestors for giving such a hard head and all my dancing lessons when young that taught me how to fall. This new year I plan on staying on my feet.

The trick for me is not hurrying and avoiding throw rugs. I always rush to do what I need to do or want to do.   I forget that that this body is 74 years old and has been affected with conditions for almost 25 years. I have to learn to slow down.

I must enter old age gracefully, not like the bull in a china closet that I have been. I really have nothing to do immediately that really needs immediate attention. but old habits are hard to break (tired old saying that is still true).

From falls, I have damaged my shoulder even more to the point that is just hurts all the time. I asked my doctor for a referral to a orthopedic doctor so I can find out about what to do with it. I am afraid it is surgery, and a friend has warned me that her shoulder took a long time to heal. And that you cannot use that arm.

Well, I cannot use this arm much now. It is killing me right now when I type this post. The shoulder is causing all the muscles in my right arm to hurt when I push them to type or anything else my right arm does .And that is a lot since I am right handed.

But other than that pain, I am doing fine. I am still walking with cane, no walker yet, and with the pandemic I am staying inside quite a bit. I do not need another disease or handicap to deal with.

Riley, my Yorkie, and I hang out at home with each other. I walk him a couple of times per day and that gets me out. Neighbors come by and we visit in the hall, 6 feet apart, or they come to my patio and we visit outside.

Since I am home so much, I have decided to decorate a little more. I have rearranged my furniture in the living room and I have plans to add another bookcase or shelf unit in my bedroom for all of my books. Since I have been incapacitated, my friends here pick up books at used books stores and discount stores. I have one 4 shelf bookcase filled and I have started on another. There is so much time to read now and when I tire of TV, I read.

I hope all of you and your families who follow me are safe and well. And to those of you who have commented, thank you. It is nice to see, even if critical. I know I have followers, because this website counts you, but to have personal comment is nice.

Stay well all of you, please. And thanks for reading this.